Summertime

Who says things slow down in the summer? While we aren't officially schooling, we've been going like gangbusters. We're working on some memory work, reading a historical novel, studying a little (un poco) Spanish over lunch, swimming on warm afternoons, and heading out to tennis lessons bright and early every morning. We've even gotten in quite a bit of fishing when the weather is friendly and Daddy is home. Yet somehow this is all very relaxing and is giving me plenty of time to think.

I've had a lot of personal revelations recently that have induced a quest for peaceful dependence on God alone for satisfaction and approval. I woke up one day and realized I'd morphed into a fearful woman who was painfully dependent on keeping other people's standards in order to feel that I was pleasing the Lord and faithfully discharging the duties He'd given me. My life had become a rodeo ride of trying to make sure everyone approved of me which bucked me from feelings of total moronic inadequacy one day to perfectionism and pride the next. No matter what I did, I fell off the bronco. Even when I wasn't sure I agreed with a person's stance or required action I was plagued by a little voice saying, "What if they're right?" and was afraid that if I didn't comply I would possibly screw up my life or the life of my family.

A few articles that have started me thinking about what my relationships with Christ and other people are based on are Religion and the Gospel and All of Life is Repentance, by Tim Keller, and Solving the Homeschool Crisis, by Reb Bradley. They've focused my attention back on the basics of Christ's teachings and reminded me that God is in control, not me. He is gracious and loving and I have no reason to fear.