Le the Little Children Come to Me

If you have children, work with children, or even know children, you must read this post by Wendy Alsup.

It's all grace.

Snowy Day

Tears in His Bottle

My little girl has a sensitive heart. Tears come easily, which is amazing seeing that she was born of two fairly stoic parents.

Tonight as I approached her room for bedtime prayers, I heard her sobbing. "What's wrong?" I asked. "It's all this sin, " she answered, "hatred, disease, and people dying. I wish Jesus would just come back." Upon further probing I discovered she'd been singing the Christmas Shoes song she'd heard on the radio over the holidays and its meaning had just hit her. We talked about the fact that one day each of us will die and that for us, and for the mother of the boy in the song, that means spending eternity with our Savior. More tears came for those we know who do not follow Christ. I affirmed her tears and her mourning over the things that grieve God, emphasizing that we need to be just as upset over the sin in our own hearts that causes our ugly words and actions. "What if I'm not really a Christian?" she asked with more tears. "Who can change a sinner's heart?" I answered with a question. And together we asked for more faith for our friends and for ourselves.

The whole discussion got me thinking: I'm not sure that what we need here in this house (or in this country, for that matter) are stricter rules, guilt producing lectures on proper behavior complete with altar calls, or better planned strategies for family development. What we really need is a work of God. Apart from Him, all we have are our paltry efforts. We need faith and we can't drum it up. But we also need the tears of a 10-year-old girl that cry out for mercy while at the same time weep over the things that break God's heart.

And a little child shall lead them.

Refinancing Parenthood

"Secure love understands that loving someone is often inconvenient and sometimes painful. Loving your kids costs money, time, and sleep. It might cost a mom decades in time originally planned to be spent on her career. It might cost her her figure. It might cost a dad a promotion. It might mean that there are some amenities or lavish vacations you must do without. It definitely means eating crow, swallowing your pride, and asking for forgiveness a lot."

~Tim Kimmel, Grace Based Parenting


Twenty-four hours in a day. Eighteen years until they're gone. A mere vapor. Is there truly anything not worth sacrificing in order to show my children the love of Christ?

10 Things To Remember When Your Child Is Disobedient

A wonderful list from Ruth at GraceLaced that needs to be read, absorbed, shared, and lived out:

10 Things To Remember When Your Child Is Disobedient:

Here are 10 Things I had to remind myself today when the job of correcting my children felt especially difficult…

1. You disobey the Lord…and He is the perfect Father.

2. His kindness leads us to repentance.

3. God disciplines those He loves.

4. Your child’s disobedience does not measure your value any more than his obedience showcases your achievement.

5. Your child’s disobedience teaches you dependence on God.

6. And sometimes it’s more than dependence He’s after, it’s complete desperation for Him.

7. Your child is clearly a sinner, and needs to hear the truth of the Gospel, and see it lived out through you.

8. Times of correction serve to remind, or establish within your child, his own sense of need for a Savior.

9. It’s not good behavior you really desire…you want his heart.

10. Your child is a person, not a project.


(HT: www.anwoth.org)

Pretty

**Caution--contains the f-word, and I don't mean fudge. If you can accept said word for the point it makes, this is a very good video.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." ~ Proverbs 31:30

What are we teaching our little girls about beauty and acceptance by our words, actions and expectations?

Gospel-centered Parenting

"Although there are many ways we can provoke our kids in discipling them, we learn from Paul's expositions of grace in these epistles that we provoke and discourage our children when we forget the gospel and demand, as a condition of our approval and affection, that they obey the law that 'neither our fathers nor we have been able to bear' (Acts 15:10). By itself, God's law, although it is 'holy and righteous and good' (Rom. 7:12), will serve only to aggravate or discourage them. The law will stir up within them the desire to sin because they are not able to obey it. It won't furnish them with the power or motivation to obey us or the Lord. The law has its uses with our children, but making them good isn't one of them. Only the gospel and God's grace can change hearts."

~ Quoted from Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the Love of Christ, by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and Dennis E. Johnson.

Happy Birthday, JT

This is the boy who became the man that makes my life such a joy. Happy birthday, love!

Heart-to-Heart

I picked up this book at the library after it was enthusiastically recommended by a fellow blogger, but after barely sampling the first chapter, I set it aside. Danny Silk had served up a biblical interpretation that makes me gag and I decided I couldn't choke down the rest of the book.

But for some reason I didn't return it.



Then I lost it with my kids, and I was shocked to recognize that I was using the same juvenile tone, attitudes and words as they were. We were either threatening each other or throwing our hands up in disgust. It is pretty ugly when the adult in the situation is rolling her eyes and declaring, "What-ev-a!" and "Right back atcha." When I crawled into bed feeling exhausted and defeated, there it was staring me in the face, Loving Our Kids On Purpose. By that point I figured, "What the heck; he might have a point in there somewhere."

So I devoured Loving Our Kids on Purpose and learned a great deal about peacefully helping my kids discover what's really going on in their hearts when they act sinfully, and how to help them see that it is those heart happenings that leads to their interpersonal conflicts. Instead of nagging or giving orders followed up by, "Or you'll be grounded," I've been trying to help them make good choices based on realistic outcomes. Thankfully God's provided the circumstances. We had a day with one child in the basement playing Legos while the others were diligently doing school work. Well guess who had no time with his friends after they came home from school? I didn't have to get mad; I just pointed out the fact that there is a time for school and a time for play, and he had made a choice. We've had some interesting discussions and I've learned a lot about my kids' hearts in the process. They're really neat little people with real hurts and dreams and fears, and I love them a lot.

While I still disagree with a lot of Danny Silk's psychological take on the Bible, his book has made me take some giant steps back to look at how I parent. I've built my whole doctrine of parenting on a few "cut and paste" verses that give me way too much power. I've put too much personal stock in whether my kids do things my way and haven't considered them as Image bearers, too. And with my "my way or the highway" parenting style I forgot that you truly do catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

So we're all practicing a bit of self-control around here and are making choices that consider each other as more important than ourselves. It's definitely not perfect, but it's nice.

Prayer Request

Early tomorrow morning a small child will lose a kidney and gain a new chance at life.

Reese Milligan is my second cousin's little miracle baby. Kirk and his wife had prayed for a child for years and were blessed with a baby girl last April. A few months ago Reese was diagnosed with kidney cancer. She's been through many tests, scans, and a round of chemo and tomorrow she will have surgery to remove the tumors on her kidneys and likely the entire left kidney.

Please pray for Reese and her family. Pray that the doctors will have great wisdom and skill and might even be able to leave the left kidney. Pray for Reese's subsequent healing. And pray that God will grant great strength and peace to Kirk and Jenn as they bear witness to and walk humbly before their loving Heavenly Father.

Read the rest of their story here.

UPDATE FROM KIRK:

"The surgery went well, although long. They were able to salvage the left kidney. They removed about 1/3 of it. The surgeon felt he could remove the tumor (size of a small egg) without destroying the kidney. So, we are very happy about that. However, she is not out of the woods yet. The initial pathology on the removed portion showed some cancer cells along the border of the part that was removed. So, that indicates there are probably some cancer cells along the corresponding border of the part of the kidney that remained. We are awaiting the results of a detailed pathology to determine whether or not those cells are dead or alive. Results will be in 48 hours. If the cells are dead, then no worries. If they are alive, and they survive the remaining chemo treatments (thru Jun/July), then the doc will go back in and remove the kidney.
With regards to the right kidney, the small tumor (fingernail size) was removed without complications."

Merry Christmas

with love,

Saralyn, JT, Bubba, Sissy, and LB

Feliz Scottie Dog

My children have been singing these words to the tune of "Feliz Navidad" for almost a week now.
We surprised them last Saturday with a trip into the next state to pick up their Christmas present, an 18 week old Scottie/Cairn Terrier we've named Lorna Doone. (If mom's gonna ascent to a dog, it better well be named after a cookie!) She's a sweet little pup we found through a rescue organization.

Of course we had to get a puppy in the middle of the coldest and snowiest weather the Midwest has had this season, and right now I'm spending half of my days walking around my yard telling an 8 lb. dog to find a spot and do her business, and the other half picking up what she did in my house. I think I'm turning into an Eskimo; by January I'll be able to go out in my shorts and T-shirt!

Warning

This is what will happen to your children if you let them eat too much Halloween candy...

...or play in the leaves with a missionary kid. Thanks, Kate for the fun pictures!

A new boy on the block

JT's cousin Sheaffer welcomed baby Carter into the family last week. The fact that he's a "he" is momentous on that side of the fam: we have the only other boys. So congratulations, Sheaffer and Chris, and welcome Carter. Our boys are breathing a sigh of relief that they're no longer the only ones!

Stop by and congratulate the new parents at The Sims Family.

That's what little girls are made of

My house was full of giggles and squeals this afternoon as we celebrated Sissy's eighth birthday with her girlfriends. (It was too much for the menfolk so they hit the road and went fishing.) We spent an hour working on counted cross-stitch turtles, then they made their own individual pizzas and told all their family secrets (just kidding, moms)!

Sis decided she was too old for a character cake and chose my favorite, grasshopper pie, as her birthday dessert.

Of course, the best part for all the girls was playing with the gifts during the last 15 minutes before the parents arrived. My living room looked like a toy store explosion!

Each girl went home with a new skill, a project to work on, and a bag full of candy jewelery. Little girl life is sweet.

Happy Birthday, Princess!

Eight years ago this evening JT fought our way through a mega-church's Saturday evening service traffic, barely making it to the hospital before our beautiful little girl made her appearance. She was born in less than 20 minutes, and weighing in at over 9 lbs, was the biggest baby I had ever seen. (Every nurse that entered our room looked at her, then at me, and said stupefied, "YOU had a 9 lb. baby?" As if I had a choice, right?)

She truly is our "song of joy" and brings color to our lives far beyond her blue eyes and blond hair. Compassionate and kind, she makes friends wherever she goes. And today I can add brave to the list; notice the cute little earrings adorning her lobes. Way to go, girly!

May you grow in beauty this year as you learn to love God and people. May you be both strong and merciful, graceful and wise.

I love you,

Mom

New Way of Thinking

A while back Monica put the meme (rules here) question to me "What have you been challenged to think about differently?" I've been mulling this one over because it seems lately I've been challenged to think about a whole lot of things differently.


I've been pondering a lot of stuff I once considered scandalous like White Washed Feminists and True Womanhood and am trying to get into the minds of some folks I'm sure I don't completely agree with. I've pulled away from the exclusivity of the patriocentric/prairie muffin sector of Christianity while at the same time yearning after their smiling, girly girl, formula-for-everything lifestyle. I've scrutinized the pitfalls in the extremes of shunning the world or fully embracing it, sensing the call of God to the middle to be His hands and feet by actually loving the folks who live in it with a comrade embracing love instead of a patronizing arm's length love. But most of all I've come to see how desperately I need Christ and how He truly longs to rob me of my sin.


The biggest change this has made is in my approach to parenting. I used to cling desperately to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" mantra, believing that I had been given the task of manipulating my children's behavior to best suit what other Christians called "good." I memorized the sayings in Proverbs about parents and children, plastered them onto Ephesians 6:1, and put them all to work on my kids. Then thing is, in doing so I forgot Jesus. I forgot that He is a Gentle Shepherd. I forgot that He is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. I forgot that it was His kindness that led me to repentance. I became the head of the Pharisees meeting out punishment in the name of God on my trainees instead of a broken sinner leading other little sinners to the place of divine deliverance.

Instead of simply taking for granted what someone taught me in a parenting class--which, by the way, contained a lot of out of context Scripture applied to child rearing--I've had to lay aside what I've always "known" in order to take a fresh look at God Himself, how He loves His own, How He parents them, and how He offers sinners so much more grace than He does punishment if they will only accept it. Don't misunderstand me, I still believe strongly in discipline (and spanking), but not the dictatorial, bolster my parenting pride kind. Not the kind that forgets that even parents need to adhere to the greatest commandments to love God and love others and to do unto other as they would have done to them. I want to be a minister of grace, leading my children to the cross because Jesus is able where they are not. I want to commiserate with them that I, too, can't stop sinning and be perfect. I want to share with them that Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. And I'm no longer convinced that can be properly conveyed with the carte blanche "Do it or I'll spank you" attitude.

My husband preached on Psalm 139 last Sunday, and for years I've seen this as a God-as-big-brother type passage. Watch out, He's gonna get you for that! But if you look deeper you can see that David knows that God knows that he's wretched, yet he rejoices in the fact that God sticks so close. Why? Look at Psalm 135 and 138. God's steadfast love does not leave him. This is the knowledge is too wonderful for him! Paul picks this fact up at the end of Romans 8. This is what I want my kids to know.

Redeemed

"Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.' "Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, "Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' And the King will answer and say to them, "Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.'" Matt 24:34-40

He came to us filthy, his only possessions dirty clothes and a diaper that had obviously not been changed in quite a while. Without words or smile, his wide-eyed stare said it all.

"He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him." Isaiah 53:2-3

In a moment of panic his mother had sought refuge for him from the harshness of the city streets. She needed time to get back on her feet and away from a boyfriend situation that was less than pleasant.

"...Vindicate the weak and fatherless; Do justice to the afflicted and destitute." Psalm 82:3

Of no fault of their own, these kids come from very difficult backgrounds and frequently have little skills beyond that of survival. It's easy to point fingers and blame the parents for laziness or selfishness or worse. But here in the suburbs with a nice jobs, comfortable houses, and available transportation we can be (and surely are) all those things and still have children that are clean, well fed, and properly educated. Remove the niceties and all you have is raw humanity and lives defined by fear. Tremendous compassion and grace added to a remembrance of our own human condition are required.

"In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us." Ephesians 1:5-8

Foster care is hard. It's not a simple thing to love someone else's kid with all their issues and baggage. While this child will not become a permanent member of our family, it so vividly reminds me that I was not just "someone else's kid" but the kid of the enemy, the devil, when God adopted me into His family. He chose me not because I was pretty or well behaved or had anything to give but precisely because I was none of these things.

May God use even this small offering of a warm bed and three square meals a day as a brushstroke in his masterpiece of redemption.

Amazing Grace

Grace is amazing, and I need it so badly. I needed it when God scooped me out of the kingdom of darkness and placed me in the kingdom of His dear Son, and I need it today as I hang out the laundry, make peanut butter sandwiches, and talk to my neighbors. So how come I forget that my kids need it, too?

Free of methods, containing no proven formulas for success, and pointing to no "standards" established by obtuse verses of Scripture, Grace Based Parenting, by Tim Kimmel, is one of the best books on parenting I've ever read. After seeing it in the sidebar of someone's blog--sorry, can't remember whose but think it might have been Making Home--I borrowed it from the library, fully expecting to declare it "psychological mumbo-jumbo" and "nonsense," but instead was tremendously humbled and greatly challenged by what it contained.

Kimmel's words stripped me of my parenting crutches and laid me bare before the Lord on so many levels: my motivations, my attitudes, my selfishness, the list goes on. But then he gave me a wonderful gift: he reminded me that God gives grace, for me and for my family. My children need me to point them to Jesus, and the best way I can do that is by showing--not just telling--them Who He is. I need to point them to the cross, not in a "Jesus died for that scummy, rotten thing you just did" kind of way, but in a "sin is so easy to fall into (believe me, I know) but it is Christ's joy to take it from you" sort of way. God created them as individuals with personalities that are very different than mine and I need to cherish and guide them toward what God's made them to be, not conform them to my image because they annoy me or embarrass me. My kids need the same Gentle Shepherd that I do.

Give peace a chance

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Why, if Jesus gives peace, do I live in fear? Why do I think I need to (or am even able to) control the circumstances of my life and the lives of my children in order to bring about a positive and peaceful outcome?

I've been thinking a lot about these questions in light of the statements Jesus made before He returned to heaven. He knew the plan. He knew that it included some wretched things for him, for those to whom he was speaking, and for us as 21st century believers. And yet the thing He leaves is peace, not as the world gives or expects where the livin' is easy, but a rocky, painful, rip your heart out of your chest type of peace.

I've equated peace with safe, hence we not only wear our bike helmets and avoid trans fats, but we've steered clear of those things that could possibly exert a spiritually corrupting influence on our children, encasing them in what Tim Kimmel refers to as a "hermetically sealed Christian environment." But Christianity is not safe. It's more like a motorcycle ride at 100 mph. Down a country road. At night. With no windshield. And no helmet. Danger, discomfort, lack of vision, bugs in the teeth, and pain are all possible and even probable, but the thing is, Jesus is steering.

Jesus' point was not that we huddle together and make ourselves comfortable until He returns. He sent us out into a terribly dangerous world with a clear understanding that things are going to be messy. There will be pain, misery, and heartache. We're called to experience it as well as clean it up. Yet we have the assurance of knowing that He sees, He cares, and He's got it all under control.

I'm not sure how all of this is going to play out in our family's life. We've spent a lot of time in the land of potluck and ladies' nights and Bible clubs. But I do know we need to step out of our safe Christian bubble in order to be the hands and feet of Christ to the world around us.