Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Move over, Lydia

With all due respect to Lydia E. Pinkam's Vegetable Compound, I have found the answer to all of your "female complaints." I have discovered the perfect woman's tonic:


Yes, candy corn. It's delicious, it's nutritious, (it's made with honey, right?), and it's one-hundred percent fat-free. Wards off the afternoon energy slump and the PMS grouchies. When the kids are crabby, grab a handful. When the husband wonders why dinner's not on the table, grab one for him, too. But act now: don't wait, for after the bewitching hour it will all be gone!

Use only as directed. Side affects include but are not limited to headache, tooth decay, and stomach pudge. Please consult your doctor before taking this or any other snake oil potion to see if candy corn is right for you. Substance has been found to be highly addictive in laboratory rats, er, homeschool students. Do not administer to children.

4 comments:

jskell911 said...

I look forward to fall for just this reason! I ADORE candy corn!

Rebecca said...

So funny! Gotta love the fat-free part too :>)

You know I need those afternoon pick-me-ups!!

P.S. I didn't forget about your email, just need to sit down and type a reply :>)

Monica said...

When I was little I bit the white end of the candy corn off and showed it to my mom. I told her I had pulled the tooth that she'd been after me about.

Boy, was she ever mad a few days later when she saw that tooth still in my mouth! Regardless, I still love candy corn.

Have you tried the chocolate variety- it's disgusting.

eureka said...

Some side effects!